I used to be a person. I also do everything in my ability, and also would always put others before myself. I volunteered to do the majority of the work for jobs at my work. I backed down from my requests if they inconvenienced someone else. And my own time was spent giving, giving and giving.
The final result, however, wasn’t what I’d hoped it’d be. I felt depressed and tired, because I wasn’t caring for myself. As I volunteered to do more and more, people started to hope I’d do everything. As my own dreams were placed on the back burner, I became so resentful, and that I desperately craved validation and the attention I was not able to provide myself.
We wish to be selfless, but we diminish our ability to do so in neglecting our particular needs. In the report, “How Selflessness Makes Us Selfish,”printed on the Counseling Blog, the author states that if we do not satisfy our own needs, we begin to seek them from external sources, resulting in behavior that looks selfish. If we want to be kind and giving, we really have to be somewhat LESS “nice.”
Here are some things that Occur when You’re too Fine:
- People will expect that of you if you are constantly giving.
In the report, “5 Ways Being Too Nice Can Become Unwanted,” released on The Power of Positivity, the writer states that in case you don’t set boundaries, you’ll be viewed as a doormat and taken advantage of. Valuing yourself, making sure your needs are satisfied, and establishing limits does not follow you don’t have sympathy for those around you. It simply means that your needs are significant.
I thought that individuals see me as more valuable should I gave as much as I would like and would like me better. I found that it was appreciated less by people. People around us will value us just as much as we value ourselves. Since I started to set limits once I wanted it and request help, people started to notice and appreciate my contributions.
- You will develop expectations of others.
According to the Power of Positivity, once you are being overly good to others, you develop expectations for them to do exactly the same. When they do not fulfill these expectations, then you can become angry and resentful.
I have seen this in my life. I’d go above and beyond for almost any of my buddies, when they were not keen to do the same for 28, and that I took it. What I did not realize was that it was my responsibility to do the same, and that they were taking care of their needs.
- Only when they need something people might come to you. The Power of Positivity states that if you are good for people, they will see you as a means to a end. Individuals will come to you if they think you can help them out, as you are being seen by them as a tool. This pattern can spiral out of control should you not set boundaries to nip it as soon as it begins.
I saw this pattern starting in my own life, and it quickly became overwhelming. Being able to gently say “no,” without providing too many motives or arguing it, was key. Occasionally I’d offer to assist the individual get themself so they might help himself organized, or I’d refer them to assets and other people.
- You’ll be worried about being kind to yourself.
According to the Power of Positivity, when you’re busy caring for everybody else, you will forget to be kind to yourself. This can lead to your needs not being fulfilled, and spiral into depression and burn-out.
I found I was diverted by my over-giving from the sources of distress and suffering that have been within myself. I sought validation and I didn’t think I had any value out of me of people’s views. I was able to spend some time learning to rely on myself for validation and looking in, when I backed off on the lending. Ultimately, this enabled me to be more kind and learning.